It may be that today is my 37th birthday or that I just lost site of the goal, but I believe I mentioned below that as I lumbered through this past decade something didn't click. I began to coast as an artist and, even though these past couple years I have been reading practically every Art Blog, Forum, and eMagazine I could get my grubby fingers on, for some reason I refused to put all that knowledge into action. The whole thing reminds me of several opportunities I chose to pass up as a young man in order to go back to college and hang out with my friends. I wasn't so much concerned with actually going to class back then, though reality eventually set in for me and I did well in the end, but instead I focused on what immediate returns I could get for my time and energy spent. Reading that you might think to yourself, "Hmm...that sounds oddly like what's happening to you now, Scott.", and well, you would be mostly correct about that. The only difference this time is that I only dropped the ball in one arena and in life all around. Still, I dropped the ball.
I can be hard on myself at times, and this is one of those times, but I'm not about beating myself up and working myself into a stupor to wallow in self pity and low self-esteem. Instead I'm looking hard at where I am professionally and where I want to be instead. Then, I'm considering what do I need to do to get there. Fortunately, the answer if fairly easy this time. I want to be over there, painting book covers, movie posters, and commercial art. I want to create awe-inspiring fantasy and science-fiction paintings that make people ask me how I did it or where the idea came from. I want this spark in my belly to ignite into a flame so bright that others want to know what drives me to do what I do. And you know what? I think I just stepped up to the challenge of all that and more. As I've told my wife, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's time to do something and stop saying 'one day', or 'I wish'. No one will hand you a free ride with no evidence you are worth the risk, but many people will invest in you if you can show what you can do.
This is a Work In Progress I started 8.3.11 that I plan to finish on 8.4.11. It's a study to see if I could bite off photo realism, and I think I'm moving in the right direction.
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